Here We Go Again

Controversy = The Same Thing Done Differently Each Week

Apparently the best way to get noticed in this country is to do a magazine cover photo shoot in the nude and covered in blood. Who knew? In the same stroke, the best way to get labeled as controversial and/or make news is to continue to do almost the exact same thing week end and week out.

The "new" cover of Rolling Stone is all anyone can seem to think or talk about all day on the internet. Am I new here on Earth or does it seem like every week or so Rolling Stone does something that people deem “controversial” or “news worthy?” How many times can you do something before it stops being controversial?

I would think that the limit on that would be three or more times, which means we can definitely move past thinking of what Rolling Stone does as controversial and start thinking of it as just what they do. That makes sense, right?

I guess not because we here in America are so overwhelmed with fascination for anything showing more than a quarter inch of bare flesh we will showcase and highlight and dissect it to no end. I suppose it should come as no surprise though since our culture seems to be probing and dissecting almost everything and anything anyone says or does these days ad nauseum.

It is enough to make me want to rip my clothes off and start snapping photos.

I also hate it when the news/magazine headlines will call certain photo shoots topless because the female subject just happens to not be wearing a shirt. I get it in that she is literally not wearing a top, but she is almost always facing the other direction giving us some coy smile/scowl or she is wearing a hand bra. In my opinion, these techniques render the “topless” term moot because we don’t get to see full breast.  

It might be just me but when you tell me a hot girl is topless I better be able to see nipple or at least more than the same amount of breast I would be able to see at the beach or at one of my sexy lingerie parties.

Perhaps I am dissecting this too much, but I am getting really tired of seeing one thousand posts about a magazine cover shoot where a female, or a male in some cases, is not wearing their Victorian era dressing gowns. Are we still so prudish? What is all the hype about?

I know it’s exciting when Katy Perry lets us see 85% of her breasts…again, but can we please keep the national discourse on the issue down to a slight murmur. Let’s just save the yelling for when they start taking pictures of her dripping honey on her naked body while penning her much anticipated and ridiculously forthcoming love missive to me. I could get worked up over that. 

On to the next one...

Challenging the person you love to a vodka cocktail drinks contest is probably not the way most people kick off their week, but Lindsey and I are not most people and there is nothing we love more than a good challenge. Especially one where we are pitted against each other and the winner actually ends up being the loser when it is all said and done. Irony is probably the one literary device we utilize the most around the house, well that and onomatopoeia. Boom!

Suffice it to say that this morning we both officially lost thanks to the latent and evil machinations of said vodka. I knew something had gone wrong in our plan when I had to pry my eyes open with a crowbar thanks to the pain from the unbearable light of that smug yellow dwarf star we call the Sun beating against the back of my skull. I think we can check this off the "Lesson not Learned, Yet" play-book because I am sure we will be back for another contest at some point. 

I wish I could say it will be a healthier less brain berating contest; like seeing who can eat the most salad or chug the most water in under six hours, but I wouldn't bet on that if I were a betting man because we already are planning to do something similar to what you are going to see in the embedded video. The only glaring difference between us and that guy however, will be when we die. Probably naked and probably covered in each other’s vomit.

Crushing my Dreams

People that know me know that one of my dreams in life is to live near a Red Robin. It may not seem like much of a dream but there are a lot of selfish people who dream of things like going to space, working at the White House, or helping families in need receive the services they should be getting in order to make sure that their children can go to school.

Flying in the face of all this selfishness is my dream of a family friendly, artery clogging dining experience within an afternoon’s drive for the betterment of the entire community. I am a quiet activist for the little guy and what better way to make the little guy bigger than by offering him a relaxed environment where he can eat a 1lb. burger topped with bacon and a fried egg.

Well imagine my surprise when I saw that in the spot where I thought a Red Robin might be going up here in Shreveport, I see that they are building something called Cheddar’s. WTF!!  Is it a cheese restaurant? Am I going to sit down and they are going to bring me a glass of fancy wine with an assortment of cheeses with special crackers?

Is this the first installment in a series of real-world satirical chain restaurants from the guys who brought us South Park’s Raisins franchise? It sounds to me like it’s the cool place to hang-out in a 1980s movie about growing up in the 1950s.

Even without that ridiculous name a cursory glance at the joint’s menu via their website has me thinking that someone is playing a sick joke on me.  What is the difference between eating at this place instead of Chili’s or Crapplebees?  Did they think we needed one more restaurant serving up tasteless, pre-processed crap? How many places can serve nursing home food and still do business?

This market is already saturated with corporate franchises that do not have to play by the same rules as the locally owned restaurants. This has to stop. My city is crying for an original and enjoyable place to dine. Am I the only one who can hear her tortured midnight pleas for justice through the thin walls of my apartment?

As an aside, I realize that Red Robin is not locally owned, but it is still so much different and better than any of the other corporate restaurants we have here. I am amazed with how many incarnations of Chili’s we have in America while people all over the world starve to death.

Can’t we send places named Cheddar’s to those countries so we here in the States don’t have to suffer under the oppressive yolk of these corporate machines? Who said that living in the land of milk and honey was easy?

Whoever runs this place obviously needs to do a much more extensive market research analysis. What self-respecting Louisianan would go to a franchised restaurant to eat Chicken Fried Steak?

Wait, on further reflection probably every single idiot in this town, since I know for sure that a lot of self-respecting Louisianans would kill someone for a big ole’ heaping helping of Chicken Fried Steak because we are fat and do not care.

A handful of Louisiana's finest!

Well, fear not faithful follower! I will continue to email the folks at Red Robin in an effort to convince them that the obese and care free citizens of Louisiana need a delicious and innovative way to maintain our desperately poor lifestyle decision-making processes. In the meantime, I will refuse to go eat at Cheddar’s until someone offers to pay for it.

The Rule of Three

The Rule of Three is this: “If something happens once it is an occurrence, if it happens twice it is a coincidence, and if the same thing happens three times it is a pattern.”

The Rule of the Three is a behavioral tool and model that I have become more and more familiar with over the past few months. It is simple and succinct. Yet underlying that simplicity is an extremely profound revelation that is brimming with truth.

It applies to every aspect of life from the simplest individual behavior to the most entrenched societal norms. I like to employ it when speaking with young people in terms of their actions in life. It is a great starting point for them to see how they are acting from a totally new perspective.

If each of us looks back and thinks about the things we have done or are doing in our lives, the veracity of The Rule of Three can be striking.

I can definitely find this pattern in my own life. I know that probably most, if not all, people could see how this rule impacts their own lives.

Spend some time thinking about how and when The Rule of Three comes into play in your own life. It might just change some behavior you needed to lose anyway.