Bearsuits Are Funny

I would recommend that the person who reads this blog make a move to check out bearsuits are funny blog this weekend. My friend Russell and I will be decimating everything that is comfortable about blogging and this whole internet fad. I also realize that no one reads this thing, so I am reminding myself, and my mom, who supports me in everything I do.

Tuesdays Gone

Is that title not just the funniest, cleverest title for a Tuesday blog at the end of the day? Sometimes I am amazed by my own abilities to entertain. Not just myself but all of those around me. It is true that I can go overboard, but I love to entertain, and little quips like that just show it to the world. Just like this blog, it shows my ability to be fun and entertaining to the entire world. I know that many people are reading this, even though no one has commented. I think it is because they are either too pleased or too dumbstruck to say anything. I know, when it comes to blogging, I have it going on. That statement is fun, kids back in the nineties used to say that. Those were some good times.

Ohh, my own sarcastic awesomeness leads nothing to be desired. It is so much fun being able to type in a weird font and then change it up. It lets all my readers know that I have become a different, more serious voice and not the sarcastic so and so from the beginning of the entry here. What a great technology, and I love referencing the nineties. Someone should make a show about how much I miss that decade of greatness. Clinton was in the White House, men were men, women were women, and the world hated us with a quiet passion that belied our unwavering confidence in all things American. Truly, a great decade. Now we are stuck in this one. A real quagmire if you will. Bush is in the White House and things suck. This is not a new sentiment, just one I have not expressed and I am sure that so many people are clamoring to hear my thoughts on our president. Hatred for America is shocking around the world. I had no idea that we were so despised by so many people. We are like the really hot chick at school who is snobby. Everyone hates us because we are powerful, cool, and better in almost every way, but secretly, they all want to be inside of us. I hope that was not too much of a stretch for anyone. Just a really great analogy to cap off this segment.

I do not have too much to say tonight so I will not bore myself with typing every bane thought that runs through my head. I am glad to be done with the book, The Age of Missing Information, for class. It was a good book.and I started on the outline tonight, which is not due for a week. That is so awesome. I rarely get things going early, but this semester I have been really good at that. Must be my passion for learning or some shit. Anyway, goodnight me, or the other lonely late night Internet crawler who may read this or pass right over it. I enjoyed your company again tonight.

Red River Revelry

Let's take a minute to dissect something here. There is a phenomena in this country that seems to cripple communities. This phenomena goes by many names but I believe the most common of those names is the town festival. In Louisiana these festivals are as common as trailer park living welfare recipients. Any town in this state seems to feel that it is important enough to section off a part of the town or city and turn it into a cultural wasteland of absolutely no culture, at least none that I could identify. The local festival that I was dragged to by friends and a very interested girlfriend is absolutely no different. I speak in general terms about the food, music, people and atmosphere of the entire place. Everyone is as generic Southern American as there could be cordoned off in a mile block. There is nothing special about any of it. I think you will find this to be the case at any local festival in any small to medium sized city in this country. "Let's celebrate our diversity and love of life with a bunch of the same shit that every town with a barely competent government and 45-99 year old festival planning commission can muster up." That is in fact the actual slogan, but they jazz it up with words like "heritage", "culture", "history", and anything else that might make us thing there is a common thread we are all sharing.

In reality this is just a great chance for the city, food producers, and drink producers to make a shit ton of money on the same shit that cost about 95% less everywhere else in the world. And the reason they do this, people will pay it, including yours truly. Although that spending goes sky high when the lady is around because women love to experience shit first hand, i.e. through their senses...all of them...with your money. So food must taste better and beer must satisfy more because its more expensive and we are outside listen to the Crazy Rhythms or Blues Boots or any other of the myriad of less than mediocre wedding bands the city could afford to get to play on a Wednesday night in the middle of October in a town that is somewhere between Dallas, New Orleans, and Hell. I guess the Rolling Stones were all booked up tonight or they surely would have played. Wait, whats that? Why its the sounds of Beasts of Burden, the Rolling Stones cover band and all around dickheads who played my cousin Cindy and her alcoholic baby's daddy's wedding last fall. They are so awesome. They know "Start Me Up" and "Jumpin' Jack Flash." That's it. The rest of their songs are not even Rolling Stones covers, but the only way anyone with ears or taste would hire them is if they sell their connection to the Stones and ROCK MUSIC history. Go fuck yourself!

Also is it something about overpriced food, stale warm beer, and shitty, shitty music that brings out the ugliest people in the world, or at least in the Ark-La-Tex? That's right asshole, we live in the Ark-La-Tex. Its three states real close together so we call them one name and it makes us easier to forget we hate ourselves and our lives. The best part about living here is that one in about 600,000 people has been out of the area for more than a second so we all know everything about the rest of the country and the world. (Side note: the total population of the area might be around 600,000 people, so that one guy is really cool and gets all the hot chick.(Not a typo by the way, there is one hot chick from here who has not left at some point.))All this means is that no one has ever left this part of the country for very long and they know so much about the rest of the world and they LOVE to tell you about it. Just a city full of world travelers who decided to roll the dice and stay wherever there private plans land. Back to the point, this place has more ugly people than an Internet dating site. The only problem is that the fat uglies who inhabit this land can not paste pictures of non mutants as they walk around so we are all forced to look at them all day. One question: Tube top with fat rolls? Why God? Why? It is almost too much for a young college man with energy and a libido that could power a train from New York to Chicago in a day to deal with. It is almost enough to ruin any outing.

There is one light at the end of this dark, expensive, earsplitting, and cramped tunnel. That light is hot older chicks with big fake racks. These woman truly light up my world. In this town, as in so many others, they are everywhere. Like illegal immigrants their numbers are growing daily, however, that is where the similarities end. For these are a welcome addition to any community and while they provide so much ocular enjoyment, they will not be doing, nor should they be, any labor outside or inside of your house nor any construction work. Unless building a city full of men with massive erections is something that one needs a contractors license for. But they all generally look the same, dress the same, and make you want to have sex with them to the same degree. I think the image to the right depicts a pretty hot older chick with great boobs and the shirts they are prone to wear. Alas, these beauties are few and far between and rarely attainable as they have managed to attract either the greatest number of douchebag forty year olds or their husbands are war vets who ride motorcycles and kick faggot's asses for a living, and they make a handsome wage doing so as they have paid for their hot wife's tits.

The local town festival is full of reasons to hate going to it, yet every year we are all drawn to it. There must be something about the environment, the people, or we all hate ourselves. Even stupid hipster with a computer and a blog no one reads goes to these places, if for nothing else then to vent and find a reason to complain about life. Sometimes daddy's trust fund just does not cut it when it comes to bitching about life. Well, its actually to see how ugly humanity can actually be and how hot older chicks can make themselves if they only try. But that is just my take on the whole thing. Which is the only take that matters in any forum. Go ahead, just try to make it seem like your opinion is better than mine and you will see that you are so wrong I am even more right.

Early Gestation

Thinking of the various ways one can get ready in the morning and you might lose your mind. I would think that typing out your thoughts on the Internet would be the best way to get the job accomplished. Well I thought wrong you might say. However, I just got the feeling I should do some typing this morning since I got to write my first article for the school paper and it was very exciting. Even the idea of walking across campus and rushing into a stranger's space did not scare me as much as I suspected it would. It was actually a lot of fun gathering the information and then putting it all on paper. I just hope they got it in time since I had to go to my other job before I could send it to them.

Big game this weekend with LSU playing Florida. It is going to be a real barn burner, to use a cliche early in the morning. Florida is one of the toughest teams in the country and coming off an emotional loss to Auburn the week before will only make them angry I feel. Also, LSU played like warm shit last weekend. I hope that level on energy and enthusiasm for football has been forgotten by the Tigers. A game like last weekend and the boys will be down 105-0 by the half. Good luck.

Might make it down to the game, which will be awesome. Hopefully I can work the ride thing out and get my ass down there. Sucks Lindsey will not be able to make it due to our house sitting duties. For some reason those really chap my ass. Anyway, I want to go with or without her to BR this weekend for the game experience.

Reading a great book about television, mass media, and the loss of the total human experience through TV. Written in 1992 but most of it is still relevant in more ways than I can count. Its funny how little things can change in 15 years yet we all feel that life is so much different now than it was then. Although there a more than a few similarities and that is besides the presidents have the same name. It is called The Age of Missing Information and it is by Bill McKibben. Really, really good stuff. All this you can learn just by being in college, amazing.

Civic Minded Drinking...An American tradition.

Mondays are a pretty worthless day overall I think. It also seems to me that most people on this planet feel the same way and act accordingly. Just talking about how mean everyone can be on this day. I wonder if the violent crime rate is higher on Mondays due to the general angst and orneriness that everyone suffers from. If I would have had to deal with one more person today I might have gone insane. Luckily things are settling down.

I am one of those people who think everything about football, the sport, is great. Just watching the plays and the way things develop and move is something I truly enjoy. It is always nice to watch games that I do not emotionally invest myself in, i.e. any non-LSU game, to really enjoy the spirit, motion, and complexities of the game. I have watched the game since I can remember being able to see and every year my appreciation for this time of year and what goes on increases. I truly miss this sport when it is not on in all its incarnations. Well maybe just the NFL and definitely college football and more importantly, the SEC.

I was thinking that the prevalence of drinking in the young adults that I know and see in the area of this country I live in is pretty amazing. I do not know what the social aspects of drinking are in other areas of the country , but in the South it is almost a religion in and of itself. I know people who dedicate their days and lives to finding the perfect drink and enjoying it regularly. I have spent whole days drinking but I feel that the time of life for that is passing me by, while at the same time I feel that maybe there should have never been a time in my life for that. I guess it happens everywhere and all over the country but not with the regularity that it occurs here. Go down to a LSU game or spend a long night in New Orleans and experience the type of drinking that can only be described as sport, a long, punishing sport. Also, a sport to which I am a regular participant, as are all my friends.

At least when we get wasted we are not all over television or the Internet like the "famous" people in Hollywood now. Although our antics are much more cheeky. Rather than just getting wasted at a bar, walking to a car, and showing off our baby-making parts we all actually get some shit done while we are drunk. I know that out of a sense of civic duty some of the ladies I hang out with moved some construction cones out of the street because as we all know, they are a danger to the drunk driving crowd causing all sorts of senseless and confusing accidents to occur. That is real activism. Cleaning up the streets so we can all drive safely. I send the girls the thanks of all the imaginary people who read this. Why this weekend a friend gave a crack head, or perhaps he was just insane, a cigarette. Truly helping the homeless and drug abusing street roamers is not for the elite. Any regular Joe can make sure that a crack head sleeps comfortable and without a heinous nicotine craving, thus ridding the world of unnecessary drug withdrawals. Drought can be a big problem too, especially in this part of the country and with global warming rising. So in an effort to rid our streets and neighborhoods of gross, decrepit flower beds and lawns, we often take the time to "water the plants", if you will. Yes? Good, I thought you might. Drunks have been keeping this nation green for centuries. Really this service is generations ahead of its time since drunks have been lending their services on this front long before environmental issues reached the national conscious. Leave it to drunks to be about ten steps ahead of the ball on anything.

I guess my point is to illustrate that while we may drink a lot, we can also help a lot. I believe we can, in fact, have our cake and eat it to. Why not go party with your friends, or families, and help make America a better place too. While you enjoy the libations this country grants you the privilege to drink, why not express your gratitude by lending a helping hand. Try to ignore the whining of those who see good, old fashioned American charity and civic mindedness as the actions of a blackout drunk. We are all better than those people. We are the middle class philanthropist and activist. So next time you are mind erasing drunk or are around those who are, toast yourself or those around you and go out into the world and help clean this country up. I am sure there is a raving lunatic craving for cigarettes right around the corner or perhaps your neighbors yard leaves a lot to be desired. A life of drinking and philanthropy awaits you and it all starts at your local bar, club, or nationally owned and conglomerated convenience store; which is nice because who understands the American charity spirit better than our biggest and most powerful corporations. God bless this country and God bless you, good sir or madam. Keep drinking and keep making America better.

First post!

This is my first post on a blog. I am trying to get my feet wet with publishing myself on the Internet and I am not too sure how good this will be or anything. I guess it does not have to be very good, just some of what I have to say regarding various things going on.

I am beginning to get very concerned for the future of the country as things regress and try to progress towards elections and with the war. Everyday that passes I feel more and more that this war is unjust and wrong for the country and the world. In every possible way it is tearing us apart as Americans with each camp unwaveringly supporting itself and distancing itself from the other camps with hateful, spiteful rhetoric and actions. It disgusts me to see the way the federal government is acting and here, in Louisiana, the way the state government behaves.

I am not too sure that there is one easy solution for any of these problems. Maybe these things are too far above a 24 year olds head. But I feel that the youth of this country, if it was listened to, has some great ideas and dreams and directions for the country. There is always going to be extreme factions on any and all sides of the issue, but I think it is time for people to begin to look at the country and talk with open minds and open ears about our problems. The time for fighting like punks is over. I think open dialogue and honest discussion needs to take place, both in Washington and in Baton Rouge and the various state capitals across the country. I think everyone needs to humble themselves right now and see that however you are feeling towards these issues is not the perfect, infallible right way.

The attention given to matters of celebrities and those things is way to high. Some of our greatest citizens are in Iraq right now looking at an uncertain future. I think that focusing on these issues and those of our current domestic issues should take precedence over anything and anyone that Britney Spears is doing. She is just a piece of trash and no way indicative of the typical American or typical American mindset. I hope that everyday Americans are more focused on the issues that matter than the debate between who is a bigger skank in Hollywood. Although, that issue does bring hours of amusement to people, including myself, over some drinks with friends. But I think CNN leading the days news with fresh crotch shots of famous people might be taking it too far.

However, life here in America is not all grim and there are many passions that can keep our heads clear available to many. LSU whooped ass this weekend, although they were playing Middle Tennessee State. I am very excited about the Tigers football season this year and their defense is just mind blowing. The offense always looks hesitant in many regards, but I feel that with a new offensive coordinator, Gary Crowton, it will take time for all things to gel. This weekend the boys play South Carolina and something tells me, maybe its history, that Steve Spurrier will have those guys ready. I look forward to an awesome game filled with some great plays. I think it sucks that the games has to be on CBS in the afternoon. LSU never plays their best in BR during the day and against this team they will need to. I think its a curse that Verne Lundquist places over the Tigers before each game he does. Just seems they lose more when CBS has the game then when ESPN does it. Probably some weird superstition that I posses, but one that I am going to hold on to like grim death. Or perhaps until the end of this deal with CBS that the SEC has. Hopefully things will go great for LSU this weekend and we can continue to march towards a date with destiny and a game against USC. I hate the Trojans and all the hype that goes with them. But they are a damn good team and anyone can see that. Here's hoping that LSU makes it there against them in the national championship game.

There was a lot of rambling on my part across various issues, but I am having trouble keeping my thoughts straight in my head as I type this. Also, this stream of consciousness technique will take some time to master, if that is indeed ever the point. I hope I can find my true voice over this thing and not seem so stodgy. I think that picture of Verne Lundquist really adds a lot. He is a handsome devil, isn't he?