People that know me know that one of my dreams in life is to live near a Red Robin. It may not seem like much of a dream but there are a lot of selfish people who dream of things like going to space, working at the White House, or helping families in need receive the services they should be getting in order to make sure that their children can go to school.
Flying in the face of all this selfishness is my dream of a family friendly, artery clogging dining experience within an afternoon’s drive for the betterment of the entire community. I am a quiet activist for the little guy and what better way to make the little guy bigger than by offering him a relaxed environment where he can eat a 1lb. burger topped with bacon and a fried egg.
Well imagine my surprise when I saw that in the spot where I thought a Red Robin might be going up here in Shreveport, I see that they are building something called Cheddar’s. WTF!! Is it a cheese restaurant? Am I going to sit down and they are going to bring me a glass of fancy wine with an assortment of cheeses with special crackers?
Is this the first installment in a series of real-world satirical chain restaurants from the guys who brought us South Park’s Raisins franchise? It sounds to me like it’s the cool place to hang-out in a 1980s movie about growing up in the 1950s.
Even without that ridiculous name a cursory glance at the joint’s menu via their website has me thinking that someone is playing a sick joke on me. What is the difference between eating at this place instead of Chili’s or Crapplebees? Did they think we needed one more restaurant serving up tasteless, pre-processed crap? How many places can serve nursing home food and still do business?
This market is already saturated with corporate franchises that do not have to play by the same rules as the locally owned restaurants. This has to stop. My city is crying for an original and enjoyable place to dine. Am I the only one who can hear her tortured midnight pleas for justice through the thin walls of my apartment?
As an aside, I realize that Red Robin is not locally owned, but it is still so much different and better than any of the other corporate restaurants we have here. I am amazed with how many incarnations of Chili’s we have in America while people all over the world starve to death.
Can’t we send places named Cheddar’s to those countries so we here in the States don’t have to suffer under the oppressive yolk of these corporate machines? Who said that living in the land of milk and honey was easy?
Whoever runs this place obviously needs to do a much more extensive market research analysis. What self-respecting Louisianan would go to a franchised restaurant to eat Chicken Fried Steak?
Wait, on further reflection probably every single idiot in this town, since I know for sure that a lot of self-respecting Louisianans would kill someone for a big ole’ heaping helping of Chicken Fried Steak because we are fat and do not care.
A handful of Louisiana's finest!
Well, fear not faithful follower! I will continue to email the folks at Red Robin in an effort to convince them that the obese and care free citizens of Louisiana need a delicious and innovative way to maintain our desperately poor lifestyle decision-making processes. In the meantime, I will refuse to go eat at Cheddar’s until someone offers to pay for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment